Laughing rats and political attacks

Alternative transportation

There is good news on the horizon: taking from technology of the 1670's when Francis Lama thought up the use of copper vacuum balloons, Alitalia, which has been in a financial turmoil has decided to sell it's fleet and buy into an old form of air transport.



These vacuum balloons with a few modifications are capable of transporting sizable freight such as bananas which are resistant fruits

or animals that have trouble migrating to parts of the planet that are over urbanized.

In case of a major incident an escape hatch is available for people that will allow all passengers to survive.

The Alitalia Flyng Ship will be equipped with the latest in recycling technology such as ice boxes, composting toilets and recycled ziplocks -for an extra charge.
Flights will not be equipped with movies but courses on subjects such as "What to do when your spouse is emitting gases?" or "Carborexic? 10 steps to joy and satisfaction" will be offered.

Mandela Rabbits

On Robben Island where Nelson Mandela spent years of his life in prison, thousands of brown rabbits have been congregating to protest the presence of black and white rabbits on the mainland. The rabbits are threatened by local authorities because their pellets are seen as a denigration to the historical site where Mandela delved in law books and ate some of the very lepus capensis in question. A rabbitspeaker remained intransigent: "those black and white rabbits are eating all our carrots and making dens in the most fertile soil. We want equal rights to the land now and not later!" Calls to speakers of the black and white rabbit colony were left unanswered.

Honey Time

With the subject of foreclosure again buzzing in our ears some creative inner city kids have stormed to creating an activity that is popping across state lines: the making of honey! Today whether you are in L.A.'s South Central, Watts or in Detroit's Brightmoor district you can savor the quality of inner-city Honey. The following is a list of 10 brands that made our review, however we are looking forward to receiving new candidacies especially from abandoned housing areas where bees are now proliferating.

l. Sure Shot Honey -an untwisted, honed honey appreciated by Toy Cops and timers up north that goes with the tuff. Despite a slight tar and rubber aftertaste this blend tells the truth like no other.


2. Assed Out all Flowers Honey - A honey whose taste will catch you by surprise, l00% hood.

3. Scrub'n Scratch Honey -Rich in cardboard nutrients and traces of colorful graffiti. A honey for athletes looking for a natural boost.

4. Ak Eucaliptus 47 -A honey with a cool, smooth metal taste, loaded with G-train antioxidants and antimicrobial properties.

5. Bum-Rush Honey -Made exclusively in abandoned lots and with bees benefiting from the elements of crashed parties, this clockin' punchy honey has an elaborated taste.

7. Phat Parley Pops Honey -A waxy yet deep tasting honey that is quick to digest before the cops arrive.

8. Krunky Honey -A good time honey whether you're on a mission or a newjack on the street you'll appreciate this brand that you can't xerox: an original!

9. Crackin' Crab Honey -A honey with attitude and a cold knock feel to be respected; a unique blend from Bed Stuy and Watts.

10. Ace Honey -This honey's amazing stickyness will protect your back, keep your stomach flat and fight off intruding bacteria. A honey well worth its price!

Ice Cube Donnations

The experiment at the CERN, which was supposed to give us insight and understanding on how the universe originally formed, was a short lasting success. Particle beams were launched at speeds nearing that of light (or OJ Simpson running from the police) and a telltale bleep was detected on a screen after traveling the 27km underground centrifuge in .95 nanoseconds.


However, a few days later a rise in temperature (the Hadron collider's magnets need to operate at near absolute zero or 272°C or 458°F° -the Cern facility is the largest fridge in the world and it gets so cold down there penguins are specially trained to install and repair equipment), shutting it down. The picture below shows a Cern penguin being decorated for its contribution to Science.


At present the project is halted because the city of Geneva refuses to allow Cern to use all its energy. We are therefore making a public call for ice cubes in the hope that if enough is donated to fill the 27km Hadron tunnel, this experiment may resume and the origin of our universe finally be understood.

Home Heating

With concern of rising feul prices home owners are opting more and more for a novel way to heat their habitacle: stuffed solar powered buffalos. Buffalos, by their mere stature and furryness, already offer warmth to the eye of even the most frivolous bipeds and now thanks to a new company called Solarbuff, one buffalo can heat between 500 and 700 sq feet of space. A truely new approach? Not really, as it turns out in some areas buffalos have been heating abodes for centuries. Archeological remains in Montana show that these creatures were filled with coal and the smoke would come out of their mouths and ears. "No longer suffer and pay high feul bills" says Bill Barney, a Solarbuff rep, "one buffalo heater in the living room and your children will be romping in a warm, ecological environment for years to come."

My battery went dead and so did Time

It can happen like that!
It can happen to anybody
A moment of distraction or inattention and
You leave your car beeping
The lights on
The radio clanging
And when you return to slip your key in the ignition
You are confronted by a deadening sound: nothing

It is not as if your battery had been stolen
-which in New York happens more that often to the point
where I put my picture on my car's battery with thumb print and chain;

It is a yearly event to some or a ritual that hurls one into a panic
Seeking jumper cables and someone with the grace of heart who
will be willing to give you that JUMP!

And so on September l7th almost a year to the day of my last dead incident
it happened: my new-used Citroen Picasso wouldn't start.


At first with confidence I made my way to find cables and a colleague who had already helped me last year. But then upon opening the hood the trouble began: there was no battery! No it wasn't a case it being stolen but of a French engineer who somehow had the idea of not placing the battery near the engine. Still I tried with an impulse that was almost genetically traced to connect the cables to what might appear to be a plus (+) or minus (-) symbol.
To my surprise the cables sent fiery sparks into the air but I insisted with 19th century Frankenstienien ardor, wanting, insisting to create and transfer LIFE to my CAR! But when the cables began to melt down a hideous thought became me that was too late -for I didn't check the owners manual and now it would be seconds that my new old car would be a fireball.




By some miracle, now we were four surrounding the hood, a light-footed lady suggested to clip a wire to a most uncommon appendage, and vroooooom, the car started.

It started and my joy was beyond the summits of the Mer de Glace but then horror became me: the entire computer system went back to it's birth: January 5 1999. How could this be? My life was contorted to face the truth of that day.

And so, on a partly cloudy 73 degree cloudless sky, when the G3 Apple Towers went translucent 2 years before 9/11























When Jupiter did the twist with large cloud systems rotating, due to the collision of two oval hurricanes,







When a Sumu competition in Atlantic City was canceled and people fretted over the dawn of the Millenium,



When a 1200 sq foot Lower East Side apartment was sublet for $l675,
And a photo of Pinochet was published on his way to a London court


It was also time for another confrontation with the senate impeachment trails of President Clinton for perjury and obstruction of justice,
"We have a constitutional duty here, it's a very serious one, it's one that we must carry forward, and we will do our very best to do that duty in the proper way ... (as) God gives us the light to see that way," said Lott, a Mississippi Republican

It was four days after the Euro was introduced and seven days before Britney Spears released her debut album and that day a French law that forbade vegetable oil from being recycled without a receipt -don't talk about smokeless bars yet! was enacted.

And we saw 6 $300,000 missiles were fired at Iraqi war planes that flew into the 'no fly zone' below the 33rd parallel and all of them missed.

















As well as the new 'Manual of Indulgences' or Enchiridion Indulgentiarum is a hardcover English edition of the 1999 Enchiridion Indulgentiarum published by the Holy See.




That punishment or the vestiges of sin may remain to be expiated or cleansed and that they in fact frequently do even after the remission of guilt(8) is clearly demonstrated by the doctrine on purgatory. In purgatory, in fact, the souls of those "who died in the charity of God and truly repentant, but before satisfying with worthy fruits of penance for sins committed and for omissions (9) are cleansed after death with purgatorial punishments





On the 5th of January l999 deputy Mayor Gillooly presented the Employee-of-the-Quarter plaque to Mr. Joyce, along with a watch and a second plaque which will be on display in City Hall. He expressed his appreciation and congratulations to Mr. Joyce for his efforts.

And a Mexican inspired candy bar arrived on the shelves of an Arizona 7-11.