Potato Eaters in the Potato House

I have had to return to the potato fields

After absorbing the irregular energy of 

Criss-crossed Polke bulbs

Experienced within the confines of 

Space

Only now

Seen through the eyes of Van Gogh

This cannot be overlooked:

The potato eaters in the potato house!

Their hardened views burn through the opaque light

Their boney knuckles reflecting the spuddy nobs

That Earth so nonchalantly delivers

Yet in this confined air

Where hope and despair are a marrying pair

Like a hard alloy moulded to an icebreaker's bow

The human spirit defied being crushed

Today it unworms those who have never tilled

How could they?

However, we do work within different confines

With Potato Planes jetting potatoes

Across the continents

'Em tubers barely know the land where they'll be eaten

And our borders, our confines are now defined 

By the carry-on template

An ingenious device that

Lets every passenger carry only so many potatoes

Above his perfumed head

The Earth and the pitchfork have not a worry

Their laborious love has

Long been forgotten in the enclosure of the plains.

The Secret Service's Bear

Sitting in my cave

waiting by the fire

staring at the great stars

I kept wondering

Wondering

In this honey-den of mine

A world of total safety

I kept wondering

How un-manlike  am I?

In my bearskin black

My claws still kept sharp against the bark

Going back to my cave

Thought I: I don't care about being rich

From my claws to my teeth

So I walked upright following my old tracks

Weaving between highways 

Depositories of bountiful trash

I wondered

The way it is and the way it was

The Secret Service had called me

To bear witness

Was it a dark moment? Should I swim away?

"The White House needed me" 

(An agent boasted)

I was needed urgently

Epic.

Living in the woods and now

The White House.

Teddy Roosevelt told my Grandpa

We bears were all right

And Clinton said something about not asking or telling

To avoid any type of same sex fight

Today and every day

It's like being in love for the first time

My heart is proud to shadow that of the President

From organised terror to

Fanatically driven incursions

Here I am to

Bear the brunt of our nation's security

And drive my claws like a Christian sword

For the greater good of mankind

And if you cross my path

No grudge shall cometh upon me for

I am the King of Animals

Over centuries Man has wished to liken to me

And even King Arthur waited for my waking to

Pull out Excalibur

The deed was done

True you say the days are getting shorter

And Isis is nearing our quarters

So I shall hibernate a good while

To let the stardust compile

Just remember when I wake

To give me a hug

And not care if I smell vile.

Don't you remember?

Popeye Talk

An infinx apologiky is no humiligration

Tis not neskessary for exploitification

Once only adopicated me mind is set

Thwart all depressiagan feelings

That me oxbrain do it.

Twas that revolvigating plumber

A misfit of a donor

Disgustipated the kitchen owner

Till she put the infix in a hydrogen

bome-er.

Under the Whale, 1986

The Jewel and the Microwave

It was a mild Soviet Transcaucaucan afternoon

And Nakivechka pulled herself out of her bubbling jacuzzi

She put on her robe and swung a black scarf over her head

Revealing only her dark, eager eyes.

Her two children came running to meet her.

“The microwave is broken” they cried whilst the older sibling, Yesmut,

held on to a bag of unpopped microwaveable popcorn.

“Yesmut, Yilma! Go see if Alkisenko has a microwave and return this to the video store.” said Nakivechka, handing over a cassette and touching her upper brow that she had electrolysed that morning.

“Get with it mom, Alkisenko moved to Tadzhikistan and now sells fax machines.” retorted Yilma, the younger one, intently looking at his mom who was dripping from the jacuzzi. 

“Ok, forget it” she said, patting Yilma’s flattop haircut. “Tonight we will have Bokehra. Yesmut, you will go to Nagorno-Karabach and find Allilev. Here is some money. Take your motorcycles and be back quickly!”

“But Allilev is Crimean!” The two protested.

“Crimean, Mylastokian, Bylorussian or Semjem, you will go to Allilev and get the bokehrá.”

The children left quickly without looking back. Nakivechka sat down on her red bean bag and picked up an issue of CosmoRussia. She indexed to the article on “Careers for single Aberbaijanis” and she smiled thinking of what a surprise Yesmut and Yilma were in for.

(An "Under the Whale" reading circa 1986)

The Potato House

There is a house where only potatoes grow

On the walls and roof

The spuds thrive

A schoolhouse needs a teacher

A patio house needs a pool

a prefabricated house needs premeditation

And the potato house potatoes

If you sit in this patchless, sober space

And meditate myriads of 

Potato possibilities

Their forms so irregular yet in need 

Of being held in a hand

With dirty fingernails

Over time

The potato energy will collect

And as the lights of the sky dim

Bulbs will flash with the low intensity of fireflies

Crossing the horizon 

With the lightness of a dance company

The Knee Defender

A snail has its shell

A tiger its teeth

A Samurai his sword

But the knee

That articulation

Capable of taking us 

up the Empire State Building or

Across the English Channel

The Knee, hath no defence. 

In life your knee can be in deep trouble, so much you 

get down on your knees

And when you're not well 

It's the Doctor's hammer that will fell

Slamming the knee cap

On a pretence to test the jerk

A sensitive galvanic reaction

That would lend envy to any stiff frog

Finally, a knee Tsar, a knight, has been invented

The Knee Defender has been crowned

Take it on an airplane

Whip it out at 30,000 feet

Clip it to your tray

Wait - don't grimace until the passenger in front makes a foray

To recline, I said recline, his stuffy airplane seat

And then your knee will feel like it's in a hotel suite!

Some of you hear the Knee Defender may be banned

Canned from airspace

Where except for first class, passenger proximity is the rule of the land

Fret not world travellers, the Perdu chicken company has made an offer to purchases 2.7 million knee defenders

On a trail basis: Indeed by clipping chicken legs together one saves 25% of space, translating into an 

additional 15,000 chickens per 3000 square feet of coop.

Studies are underway to identify other applications that the Knee Defender may have.