jacuzzi economy

In my Millennium XI, round and spacious bath, I use my 24 strategically placed hydrotherapy jets on my body two times a week. It's a complete body massage I've been enjoying thanks to the contours and the built-in lumbar support, raised seats and arm rests. My thermostatically controlled heater, Shiatsu-Pro neck and back jetting system, lets me immerse myself in extra deep and spacious bathing wells.

True, I am pampered head to toe with six to nine hydrotherapy jets strategically placed throughout the bath focusing on areas of stress and discomfort. But what I most appreciate is the underwater mood light that, with my desired bathing temperature,that has taken away the stressful kinks I used to feel after a days work.

Only after some years of $1000 a month water bills, I've decided instead of cutting down on my baths that I would economize: simple as a bee, I've filled empty milk and plastic containers and I place them in my Millennium XI. A little bubble bath and voila! even my friends don't notice them! Now I have found true happiness in the 21st century. Love ya!

Honey bees and foreclosures

Honey bees, proliferating in zones where

building has come to and abrupt stop

are more apt in this economic downturn

to produce velvety honey than in boom times.

Studies show that honey beens can read

forclosure sale signs at a distance of 600 yards

Then a cloud descends on the structure to

colonise the area and produce honey.

Fortunately for Tom, a local bee professional, he has been rubbing his

tummy in recent months: on call smoking

out the bees (he nicknames Sub-bees) and kidnapping the queens

to work at his own honey farm is part of his daily chores.

A single man who lives

in a trailer (he pays his rent in honey), licking his sticky

fingers he says: "this activity has been eentense lately an haven't got much sleep.

True, this single life is fine with me for the moment

but I'm waiting the day I git stung by a woman, have a house

an' settle down."

The bees that were contacted for this article refused to comment.

The torch-bearer

I am an olympic torch-bearer

for years I practice my art

running in crowded shopping malls

turning sharp corners with the moves of

a rugby player

twisting, rolling, double-tracking like a rat

learning to be relaxed when thousands descend

on thee

I am an olympic torch-bearer

whose politics are unconfounded

In 2020 I ran in Kaboul in defiance of the protest to

liberate Alaska -the procession lasting only 32.77 seconds;

In 2024 while in Buenas Aires I lost 2 fingers to a

protester protesting the naming of New Macedonia

I earned the gold medal for running through a hostile crowd

of 15,600 in 2 minutes and 47 seconds.

In 2028 I may hang my shoes

and open a school to teach young torch-bearers

how to run!

Not my mozarella!

My mozarella di buffalo has dioxin

-just a few particles they say

ingest less than a kilo a week and don't worry...

Hear I right? My favy-favorite white pristine

spongy and humid ultimate tomato partner

present over half a millenium

thy ultimate pizza partner

now, today, in 2008 put into question

for unsactimonious production practices

for over-mozarellaing

Begone! Shame! Off the shelves is what we hear crying

from consumer protectionists on red alert

But will millions of watering mouths heed

or pardon the land of Campana

that is now soiled, contaminated and blackened.

catepillar migration

The BBC reporter was investigating


trying to verify and authenicate


this latest phenomenon of mass migration:


the catepillar, long sedentary and amicable


fuzzy and squashable post-larval insect


was not only moving fast but in concert with


hundreds of comerads!


Where were they heading on this fedex destination?


Why were they leaving the country the reporter asked


and how did they muster the courage to take on such a journey?

The 30 second slipper

the slipper song

He went out screaming. they tazed him. the Miami audience watched silent, some filming as the 5 or 6 cops
brought him ‘under control’. He was resisting arrest, afterall. resisting for having opened his big mouth during a political speech with John Kerry.
I saw that on my little computer screen and was mezmerised. The following day I went to buy a pair of slippers for my son.
At home he put it on and 5 minutes after the slipper broke.
music
The next day I return to the store. I don’t have the receipt but I tell the manager that
he sold me defective merchandise.
I tell him last month Matel recalled 850,000 toys, many being Barbie accessories.
recall music
He tells me ‘No Mister, No Mister, can’t do anything for you" and he spits out his store
policy like some kind of unraveled toilet paper
I warn him not knowing that the juices of the the Miami incident were flowing in my blood, in my brain;
social and economic injustice was burning on my lips and for all my life I had been
a silent pillow case, saying nothing, nodding, accepting whatever and all et alles
I warn him that he will regret this
loose sales
loose clients
I warn him

music crescendo

I rush down to the slipper section where an old lady is browsing.
I hold out my broken slippers and say:
"Hey lady, watch out, broken slippers here"
She looks at me with watered eyes, acknowledgeing she walks away.
walking away music
The security guard arrives
He’s suddenly pushing me
pushing me back, I resist
what! Am I on youtube!
I hold back. Am I buffering?
Buffering in a shoe store?
"Leave me alone brother, don’t taze me!" I hear in my ear
But he is pushing me hard and, in front of all the people I back
out, my hand holding the broken slippers in the air.
Tibet is now arising

Where can I ever go to buy a slipper?

disfunctional music

The chicken and the ball

He came home from his organic spree

full of non-pesticidal cheer
to boil, fry and steam and add
a twinkle of fleur de sel

This territorial ritual went on for years
until one day confronted with
the 20euro chicken

Taken aback
eyes transfixed
hands trembling as they moved to touch
the refrigerated plastic film

Then, on impulse and going against generations
of good sense and economy that were emblematic of his family
he bought it!

He rolled it back home in his caddy yet
with every step he neared his threshold
guilt amassed
In the kitchen a fight ensued with his wife
the 20 euro chicken in the middle
"how could it be" "never in my life" could be heard through the walls
the sky seemed to darken and head down, he set off for a walk.

An hour later he came back with a giant ball
one of those bouncing exercise balls in resplendent blue
It needed careful inflation
with a "cure" time of 24 hours; soft music and warm temperature

During the ball’s incubation
"how nice" and "how blue and bouncy" could be heard
the chicken was eaten
and that was that.