Subatomic Laundry

(My sincere appreciation goes to Dennis Overbye who wrote an article in the New York times on the Grand Sasso Laboratory in Italy.)

            Photo by Tommaso Guicciardini


I live at the Gand Sasso Nuclear Laboratory in Assergi

Often I don't see the light of the day since

Work is underground and I spent 10 years on

The Cuore, Cobra and Cupid projects, been there, done that.

When I go home I've absorbed so many neutrinos that

I take an antacid before going to bed.

I love Grand Sasso, the Big Rock

And I would love it more if not for the stains that

I get on my designer shirts and jeans.

So for my fellow scientists, I've developed a formula for

Laundry:

• Take one cup of liquid xenon 
• A spoonful of axions
• A sprinkle of neutrinos 
• A 1/4 cup of tritium

Use the "Magic 4000" cycle and if dark spots still appear

Rub a photomultiplier ointment into the affected area

Expose the tainted garment to the sun for 20 minutes an 6.8844002 seconds

or

If cloudy, a strong magnetic field will do.

For wool and synthetics 

Double the tritium

Wash for 12.8 years

Remember

Cosmically reflective shirts should be smoked

In dark matter and rinsed with enough axions

To regain all their splendor.