Lawn mower museum

New Orleans is opening the first museum dedicated to lawn mowers. Below sea level lawns used to be the talk of the town but after Katrina things changed a little. It wasn't a question of weeding, using the right fertilizer or keeping the kids fingers from under the blades -mowing issues we all hear about- it was simply that the lawn wasn't there anymore and or the mower was gripped in rust! The museum, situated near the Jefferson Parish on a patch still in ruin, has a collection of thousands of machines and pictures of people mowing neatly green, cropped squares through the decades are astutely presented. We also learn about historical tid bits such as General Patton's Operation Cobra, where the U.S army used a quick fighting and maneuvering against the Germans thanks to lawn mowers enabling the Third Army to attack into Britanny and trapping several hundred thousand German soldiers in the Chamboise valley. (And that was before 4 stroke engines.)
We also get a handle on progress from the simple manual rotary blade models going way back to the 19th century to more recent models with four-way hydraulic joysticks and side-to-side emptying front-end loader buckets with easy adjustable high back seats with automatic suspension and color-coded controls and soft-touch steering and standard cruise control -not to mention a double 16 ounce integrated cup holder!
In some of the halls the sound of mulching is reproduced and one gets the feeling that slicing those green blades better known as grass is as inalienable as the American constitution. Only this right has been taken away from New Orleans so that's the reason, the 'mowtivaton', for the museum. All comments welcome.

Wring dry

A new ordinance, inspired by Mediterranean mores will ban drying machines
across America. The measure, aimed to save 230,000 giga-watts per day has been
poorly received by the public. 'I'm 56 years old and I've never hung in my life!' said Larry Sanders, an electrician. Still there has been a rush to Home Depot and other hardware stores where a run on clothespins and lines have dried up stock nationwide.
President Obama, in his lst televised address on the economy, made a point in having cameras focus in on the clotheslines hanging from the White house. 'The time of wringing our clothes in high speed and energy consuming dryers has come to an end' he said, 'today change in America means hang and dry'.

Orthodox sun cream

In his black cheesecake hat at the wailing wall the rabbi prepared to rock and pray
wearing a kosher sun cream guaranteed to protect any skin as long as its in Israel;
pray for the world and for the believing or non-believing tourists as the Koran resounds
from the neighboring rock
Do those Darwinian curls resisting and conditioned by millenia of heat that no pressure
cooker can match make a perm out of our living history?

Gas meter readers

In France, EDF, the national gas company, has announced that in 2 years gas meters will be eliminated. Consumption will be measured online, in real time; a smoldering cigarette couldn't be more palpable. However, thousands of dedicated employees will see the end of an era. Shall we remember the millions of times our meters have been skillfully read or will the sacrifice of these men and women who at times risked their safety by climbing ladders and stretching their necks with flashlight in hand in order to seize the last 3 red numbers slowly ticking in their rectangular hob-nob fashion be forgotten? Word is in the air that some meter-readers will be recycled as guardians of a new museum dedicated o SUV's; by 2100 such vehicles are deemed to be extremely rare artifacts.

Hot dogs and oysters

Word has it that Nathan's world famous hot dog eating contest will be revamped in 2010: Major League Eating organisers hope to add new excitement by including oysters. "Nathans and America have been blessed" said an organiser "since 1916. Now it's time to move on."

Can wolfing down 66 hot dogs and buns be compatible with sucking up 38 dozen bi-valves?

Contestants will be faced with new challenges and the winner will have to prove true virtuosity.

Where else but in the Big Apple can beef and oysters go down so smoothly?

Green bombs

The latest storm these days is about making environmentally friendly explosives. In detail, researchers are workin on
Tiny bombs were made from two promising tetrazoles with the alphabet-soup names of HBT and G2ZT. These materials proved less apt to explode accidentally than conventional explosives.
After the bombs were detonated in the laboratory, G2ZT also proved as powerful than TNT, and HBT"and pollutes much less than TNT !
But the most promissing advances is from a laboratory in Wales were peat moss, compressed over a period of 6 months, becomes as dense and lethal as G2ZT or HBT.
"The results are astonishing" remarked Dr. Richmond, "one 500kilo Peat Bomb can take out all life within the perimeter of 2 football fields however within 2 weeks the ground is more fertile and ready for the most excellent baby potatoes, leek and all kinds of planting."

Frankenstein re-written

This is the famous scene where Frankenstein meets his monster. Had the story been written today Shelly would have perhaps been moved to modify her majestic glacier descriptions as I have done in blue.
It was nearly noon when I arrived at the top of the ascent. For some time I sat upon the rock that overlooks a few scraps of ice. A mist covered both that and the surrounding mountains. Presently a breeze dissipated the cloud, and I descended upon the glacier. The surface is very uneven, rising like the waves of a troubled sea, descending low, and interspersed by rifts that hardly sink deep at all. The field of ice is almost a half a league in width, but I spent nearly one hour in crossing it. The opposite mountain is a bare perpendicular rock. From the side where I now stood Montanvert was exactly opposite, at the distance of a league; and above it rose Mont Blanc, in awful majesty.
I remained in a recess of the rock, gazing on this wonderful and stupendous scene. The sea, or rather the minor river of ice, wound among its dependent mountains, whose aerial summits hung over its recesses. Their melting and glittering peaks shone in the sunlight over the clouds.
(…)
I suddenly beheld the figure of a man, at some distance, advancing towards me with superhuman speed. He bounded over the crevices in the ice, splashing in puddles, among which I had walked with caution; his stature, also, as he approached, seemed to exceed that of man. I was troubled: a mist came over my eyes, and I felt a faintness seize me; but I was quickly restored by the warm gale of the mountains. I perceived, as the shape came nearer (sight tremendous and abhorred!) that it was the wretch whom I had created. I trembled with rage and horror, resolving to wait his approach, and then close with him in mortal combat. He approached; his countenance bespoke bitter anguish, combined with disdain and malignity, while its unearthly ugliness rendered it almost too horrible for human eyes. But I scarcely observed this; rage and hatred had at first deprived me of utterance, and I recovered only to overwhelm him with words expressive of furious detestation and contempt.
"Devil," I exclaimed, "do you dare approach me? and do not you fear the fierce vengeance of my arm wreaked on your miserable head? Begone, vile insect! or rather, stay, that I may trample you to dust! and, oh! that I could, with the extinction of your miserable existence, restore those victims whom you have so diabolically murdered!" And then I heard a mosquito buzzing around my ear, and the wretched creature, sensing my irritation, stretched out its collosal arm attracting the bug to land. Whilst the blood sucker went to its chore the monster squeezed its skin exploding the mosquito towards the alpine heavens. "If you don’t make a female for me this is what I’ll do to you and your family" he grinned, as his feet slopped in the slushy ice.