Evergreen Fire

The last time I went to Evergreen Park

I went

Imagining to weld some leaves together
Just like I had learned in school

Yet  the fun
Of kicking up some ashes where

Once lay a bed of leaves
And bins of trashes

Was something
My kids could never get enough.

The last time I went to Evergreen Park
Porcupine needles stuck in my socks

I spoke to an unemployed firefighter who
Longed for those days when his fire-vest went smelting

The heat on his cheek -he joked-
Made him feel Scottish

Battling a Loch Ness flame machine spewing windy thermal columns
As he had to dig trenches whilst the combustion of gasses effaced canopies of vegetation

Those were the days he said.

I reminded him of my childhood fire hero
Smokey the bear

That sometimes I would ponder about whilst drinking and face-timing at my Starbucks in Pasadena
Looking out the window and wondering how far that smoke trail would go?

Like a comet the smokey tail moved on and on
And the coffee's heat stung the back of my throat

Most clients paid little attention to the surrounding skewering valleys
As the act of their swiping was certainly preponderant over shovelling

Certainly

In Evergreen Park I hacked a dry smokeless hack

Then picking up what I though first to be a surviving ashen stick

(It was a metal piece from some fire-fighting equipment)

I drew a fire engine from days gone by.

'

Renaming

Mount McKinley, which was officially named by a New Hampshire-born Seatleite, William Dickey, a short but stout man who wore an oversized, black hat  and who led a gold prospecting expeditions in the 1890’s, didn’t want to support the democrat William Jenning's bid for presidency because he was pro-silver.

Hudson Stuck, looking at the camera,  the first to climb Denali in 1907 was a theologian from London.

 Indeed Dickey favoured William McKinley who went on to become President of the United States and promised to bid for a gold standard that would add nuggets to Dickey’s pockets, hence explaining his choice for Mount McKinley. However, recently it has  been renamed Denali or “the tall one” which was the original name given by the Koyukon Athabaskans. (It can be spelled Deenalee or Deanaliii dependi

ng on whether the Athbaskans where facing the mountain south at 63 degrees 04 minutes and 12 seconds north or North, at 63 degrees 03 minutes and 11 seconds south. It is unlikely the Athabaskans knew how tall Denali, which at 6,190 meters makes it the tallest peak in North America actually was.

The renaming of Mount McKinley did not happen overnight: Jimmy Carter in 1980 tried to negotiate a deal that Ohio congressman Ralph Regula strongly opposed by naming the adjacent national park “Denali Park”. However, some claimed that this only created confusion and only years after congressman Regula’s retirement did a new path open up for the renaming of the actual mountain.

The Mount Blanc at 4810 meters situated at 45 degrees, 49 minutes and 55 seconds north, as legend has it, was named by dentist  Gabriel Michel Paccard, 29, and a Savoyard hunter Jacques Balmat24, who in 1786, were the first to climb the famous mountain.

When they arrived down to the small village of Chamonix they were greeted by a crowd. 

“C’etait tout maa, maa, blanc” exclaimed Dr Paccard, breathing heavily and near exhaustion from having carried a ladder up and down the mountain. In fact, without sunglasses both climbers were blinded by the light  and the mayor of the village, Monsieur Dubonbois, who, like many was a patient of the Doctor,  thought he had said  “Mont Blanc”. (Historians believe the mispronunciation was due to Paccards lips being frozen, despite it being the month of August.)

Today, a recent petition has been put forth to change the name of Mont Blanc, considered banal and obvious to many to “Spenstolatos”. This name is derived from Mr Spencer, Stone and Skarlatos, the 3 Americans who foiled Ayeb El-Khazzani’s attempt to massacre a large number of people who were travelling from Amsterdam to Paris  on August 21, 2015. 

Curiously the 21st of August is also the date when Paccard and Balmat climbed and named Mont Blanc and today’s mayor, Eric Fournier, approved the motion to rename the highest peak in Europe saying, “I was so impressed when these three young men looking like boys in their polo t-shirts, got the legion d’honneur from President Hollande. The only better honour I could think

of is to rename our mountain after them.”

To appease any opposition the Mer de Glace, a nearby glacier, will be renamed the "Mer de Glace Blanc".

Rocking Chair

There rarely came a time when I didn't want to rock no more

The swivel on my chair came at the price of a screech 

The wood planks under my feet perhaps cried under my weight 

As I stretched my legs forward gathering momentum

Pulling my back back with

A magazine firm in my hands

On my porch I rocked beyond the chirps of birds

Amongst 

Unpreturbed

Verbs

That swerved and veered off my original thought of the moment

And though I strayed

The rocking chair brought me back to

Where I started 

John Kennedy used a rocking chair

It was rumoured he almost fell off his chair during

The Cuban Missile Crisis

And due to his bad back

He rocked in the Oval Office and

On Air Force One

The Etruscans and Trojans thought of rocking even before the arch was invented
However the instability of their early mechanisms had horses falling and
Slaves scrambling for a foothold

Just like some modern inventors concocted the Rocking Bed or

The Rocking Table

Not all things that Rock, Rock

Still, as I sit rocking in this chair I cannot help but think of the passing

Seasons, the Whale on Pluto and my fellow rocker here next to me

(Some think of him a touch tinny) 

Above the creaking you hear his circuits 

A Bible of sounds

My robot, 

Zot

Asks me about passing time

Gives me physical estimations on my vortex and

Chair's trajectories 

Worries if I

Over-rock 

How will I catch myself?

And wonders about circulation, digestion and 

The gestation period in the womb that

I so often talk about.

Pluto, my Pluto

On the day Voyager 2 transmitted the images of Pluto
I ran up the Empire State building
Hoping to get a clear image on my Ipad
Clear of the fray of the Apple

It was a clear night
People were taking in views of an obscure
Central Park or
The downtown view of the Freedom tower

And there it came from
3 billion miles away
A celestial body like no other orb
That seduced my eye

Pluto more than Plato has always had a place in my mind
True its erratic orbit and
It's brazen relationship with
Neptune

For years fascinated me as the
Orbiting of these two planets
Come oh so close to colliding
Every 500 years or so

But I am undeniably seduced by the revelation  of
Pluto's topography: there is the "heart" a region of
Nitrogen snow spread across 1500 km
A curvy stretch resembling Miami to New Orleans

That shines out of the darkness exposing
The dark nymph that awaits
Cupid to pluck her with his
Arrow

The ice mountains
Hold us agape
A Rocky mountain genesis
Reflecting active geomorphology in the gym

Let our eyes ski down to Cthulhu or
Clulu or C'thuhu or Thu Thu -for commoners
It's nicknamed the "Whale"-
A rather elongated dark region that

Compared to another batty yet wondrous mysterious expanse
Is the "Brass knuckles" formation
Sure it could have been named "Al Pacino Knuckles" or "Humphrey Bogart Knuckles"
But Pluto is and always has been here to provide punch even as we scan its

Craterless gulf-scape,
Where the "donut"
A 300 km coconut sprinkled body that

Accosts the tail of the "Whale" perhaps

Offering a buoyant relief or
A whale of a snack.
Hence on this planet deemed too small to be one
There lies with jelly eyes

Beyond the vision of most powerful scopes
This God of the underworld is
By no means too far or too dark
To evoke and poke a  revelation of original skin

You, a planet born in Sin
With a floppy orbit
Swinging like a Nadia Korbut
Pluto, the time of your love only begins.

The Day I Checked into my Senior Living Home

The car stopped and as I got out looking around, my eyes scanned the landscape. There was a roadworks truck directly blocking the entrance and it was, I suppose, repairing a pothole. The heat from the fresh tar not only penetrated through the soles of my shoes which I had bought on sale the day before at "Pay Less Shoe Soupless" for $29.99, a 30% savings, but both my walker and my shoes adhered to the surface with such vehemence that I was unable to move. What did move was a trickle of sweat that rand down behind my ear. I was just 10 yards from the entrance, I could see the the automatic door getting jammed when a lady wearing a white cotton dress with a blue straw hat that was obviously too big for her and also cover what certainly was a pretty head of hair turned and said, "Do you need any help?"

This could seemingly appear as a friendly gesture but I was keen to pick up her accent on the "you" which sounded condescending and on top of that she could have addressed me "Madame" or "My Lady" which given the circumstances would have been appropriate. 

"Go fuck yourself" I re torqued, "just call the Manager and tell her to get her ass out here fast." 

Bambi the manager trotted out in flat heels like she was out of the woods and a young man probably from the Carribean shadowed her.

"Marjolaine, we were waiting for you! What have you here?"

 Lifting my head slightly to my more dignified stance I offered,

 "Bambi, at least you could put a sign warning your elderly clients of the fresh tar. I've been planted here an hour in the sun!"

"You poor thing, and this is your first day at the Maxi Royal Senior Institute for the Uptrodden. Derrrek, get a new pair of slippers for Marjolaine. I'm sorry, we'll have to say goodbye to those shoes of yours, if you don't mind we can just leave them there as a memento to welcome future clients.

>>> At that I considered loosing my temper but I realized that if I wanted my $29.99 shoes refunded Bambi would probably send me to the city of Miami compensation board which was a three month waiting process that I was all too familiar with. 

"What a wonderful idea! I can only say that I am tickled and honored to accept your offer." 

Derrick arrived with some old slippers and politely unstuck my walker.

“You’re the third lady Ize unstuck today.” he said.

I approached the front door that automatically opened in front of me. First I saw the front desk and someone sitting there hidden behind a large computer.

"Shiiit! The computer is down again. And so is one of the elevators.Hi M'am, are you new here?"

 "Yes, you may call me Mrs Marjolaine. 

Her eyebrows lifted and it looked like she was informed of my arrival. She asked me to sit down. 

 "Oh, Miss Marjoham. Welcome young lady. If you don't mind waiting until the elevator repairman arrives we'll have you up I your room in a jiffy."

I could see the line of elderly citizens growing. They were mostly bent over, waiting very patiently for the one elevator that would take them up to their rooms.

"That could take hours lady..."

 "Just chill sweetheart, our repairman lives in the building."

"Lives in the building?"

"Our two helevators are so solicited you see that every once in a while, I mean every so, so very often - but we're ain't supposed to say this to our new guests (she whispers to my ear)they do break down you see and when they or one breaks down the situation down here or up there on the floors well, well, have you ever had your toilet clogged and the water starts to flow..."

I looked around to find Bambi but she was nowhere in sight. Although it did seem like a rough start this was the Maxi Royal Senior Institute for the Uptrodden and my dear friend Dr. Nemia did recommend it.  I heard a door open and saw presumably the elevator repairman rushing out to the hallway with his belt unfastened and a big wrench in his right hand. Could he have been banging Bambi, I thought. Then I remembered that such ideas, if my mother even suspected, would get me in big trouble.

The Hot dog Vendor's Practical CV (Inspired by A Confederacy of Dunces)

You are the one who navigates a cart full of dogs
Dogs and drinks and foodstuffs
Rolling, gliding beef and pork and complex sugars
Over a complex urban network

Today -but not the first day- you circumvent potholes
And drainless puddles that accumulate mostly during
Winter months
Yet your mind remains fixed on the types of buns, sauces,
Cole slaw and drinks that you have set out
This and every early morning

A mission of sorts that takes 40 minutes to get to your
Destination
A corner where some people still try to sell single cigarettes
Along the journey you rehearse some of your clients' first names and by their favourite
Topping or drink

Some have such accents that you strain to
Understand through the smoke and the sizzle of your
Skewer but their hand, their gesture makes everything clear

Today, a hint of tendonitis lingers in your upper left
Shoulder
You wonder but know it's from the miles of serpentine lines of
Mustard that you so expertly spread every month, every year
You know how to get the mustard to stop flowing in a snap!
Whipping up the arm all while with the right hand you crack open another
Refreshment can with the index finger

Rain or sun you sell those hot dogs it's, it's
More than just a transaction
It's a moment of awe when a
Customer sinks his teeth into a
Bun and you can almost hear
The juices howling
The dog skin cracked
Steam streams up your client's sinus the
Mustard is liberating

You chuckle then smile freeing your
Stomach that has been pressed against the cart
With your wet rag you clean it for the 100th
Time this day

Always impeccable
Always shining
Always moving

Fast like your idol, Mohammed Ali
You know you can catch the cascading sweat drop
Cascading from your forehead
Catch it with the hanky in the left hand while
The right hand is adding cabbage and returning a customer's change
With a  movement that resembles that of an airborne dancer.

The Blataro Institute of Higher Bribing

We all know that Sepp Blattaro’s days with FIFA are nearly over as he has extraordinarily single

handedly decided to step down and new elections will be held in the next few months.

Rumor has it that Mr Blattaro has been negotiating with Nord Angler, a consortium of schools, to open up next fall the first Sepp Blattaro Institute of Higher Bribing in Lausanne.

The Radiant Elephant Community has been privy to learn some courses in the college’s curricula:

Blatt101: Point Shaving

Learn how to shave points and connect your sources to organised crime. 

Blatt 101: Advanced Point Shaving

(Blatt 101 required) Learn about the benefits of academic fraud and the hiring of strippers to shave points.

Blat 201 Slush Fund

Gain intimate knowledge on how to create a slush fund. Get trained by former Southern Methodist coach Bill Launder, who will tell you how to pay illegal cash bonuses to your players.

Blatt 301 False Accusations

Ever wanted to have your opposing team falsely accused of rape or other crimes? This course, prepared by experienced tutors, will show you how to use minors, strippers and even drug addicts to smear your opponent without you having to lift a finger.

Blatt 401 Universal Deflating

Our hand-on technicians will teach you how to falsely gauge pressure and deflate any ball, or sports gear, including pucks and shot puts before a competition. From Formula 1 to football lean all the tricks of the trade. This course is compulsory to graduate.

Blatt501

Match-fixing 601 (101 tba)

Ever wonder how 10 of the 12 disabled basketball players on the Spanish Para-Olympic team had no disability and went on to win the gold medal? This course will prepare you to rig a game, avoid suspensions and even shoot for the Hall of Fame.

Blatt 701 and 702

Blood Replacement, EPO and other drugs (Both 701 and 702 are essential to graduate)

(Advanced High School Biology and Chemistry courses required)

You will be taught by reputed scientists and doctors on how to make performance enhancing

cocktails that will avoid drug testing detection. Study the wonders of blood in sports and learn how to even use fake blood (bloodgate) to fake injuries and offer your player precious time to recover and get back on the field.

Blatt801

Referee buying

Avoid clumsy and irresponsible transactions when buying a referee. Learn the value of having political connections and even magistrates on your side Before you buy a ref. Avoid conspiracy charges and get rich quick by having booker bet millions on your matches.

Blatt 910 

Motorcycle and Car Racing Crashgate

Our experienced pilots will show you the value of crashing during a race all in the name of sportsmanship. Lose a tire, break a gasket or just crash into a wall. This course is taught with real motorcycles and cars.

Blatt 1001

Doctoring bats, javelins, and other sports equipment 

With this course you will learn how to cork a baseball or cricket bat, curling stones or even javelins. The instruction is hands-on and extremely valuable for any sports career.