Autistic lionets

 We lions pride ourselves on a hardy, hearty breakfast, 

With paws and claws stretching over the 

Checkered red and yellow tablecloth

What better way to start the day

Figuring out a word puzzle, a maze or

Just blowing on a plastic whistle, part of a prize

(Ignoring parental rantings of the day's expectations)

Our cereals were dear to us because

You could get lost in them

Liono's gave us courage

The courage

To live our names 

As we filled our bowls

And crunched and munched

And clawed and drawed 

In 

Dry blooded round rubber

Extra fresh

Tubes responsibly meeting

FDA requirements

Keeping cholesterol in check like 

In a caged zoo

Those sweet inner un-cubes

Had us aghast 

What a blast

Till the day we were told

Liono's will give you worse than a 

Head cold

Finally those autistic symptoms of lions running alone in the 

Jungle

Could be explained:

Liono's are to be blamed.

So go back to the Meat Pack

Y'all

A good breakfast needs

A good drumbeat

Hail, hail!

Draga Anya (Dear Mother)

It had to wait 

The passing of the Covid Pandemic

The 50th anniversary of the Apollo Moon landing

The latest version of Call of Duty video game

The George Floyd protests

Lionel Messi leaving Barcelona

The invasion of Ukraine

Gazprom cutting gas to Germany and Europe

It had to wait

Liam and Olivia being voted as most popular Baby names

Talyor Swift winning the Grammy Awards 

A brain implant to read your thoughts was developed 

The release of Dune Part II

LeBron James to get 40,000 points

Finland to be ranked happiest country in the world for the 7th time

Zuckerberg to announce no more fact-checking 

The California wildfires

TickTok crashing for 24 hours

A Riviera plan for Gaza

AND

The first filming of Mesonychoteuthis Hamiltoni, of the family of Colossal Squids, at a depth of 600 meters, by a remotely operated vehicle 

But

We kept your promise

To lay your ashes to rest in the Arno in Firenze.

 

A bosom for a pillow

I’m working on a pill-ow 

that’s moulded  your silhouette  

Spraying, fiddling with a thimble, 

I’m watching a cat POUND its CLAWS  

Into my Grandma’s embroidered Pillow 

Depicting a house  floating at sea,

I took my pill and dreamt of thee

Shame (To the sound of David Bowie's Fame)

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HdogoZFqf0U

Shame makes a man think things over

Shame lets him freeze and hard to breathe

Shame puts you on a cross

Shame

Shame is in your brain and you're melting down

It burns your filename to keep you lame

Shame

Shame what you like is on a pillow

Shame  what you like is under  the pillow

Shame what you get is a viral storm

Shame what you need to elbow doing your Joe Blow

Shame

Shame Nein! It's a bee-line to the devil

To endless remind that kiss cam that will drive you to a crime

Shame

Ribbity-bee gah-beh, ribbity-be

Ribbity-ree, ribbit, ribbity-bay

Even my frog is shamed

How could they?

Isn't it any wonder? I suspect you first.

Shame, shame, shame, shame

Isn't it any wonder?

You're too old school for me to retool 

Shame

Bully for you

Fusilli for me

Gotta get a rain check on blushing cheeks

Shame, shame, shame, shame.

Shame, shame, shame, shame.Shame, shame, shame, shame.

Shame, shame, shame, shame.Shame, shame, shame, shame.

Shame,

What your name?

Give me some shame!

The $100 bathing suit

 Purposeful

Thoughtful

The $100 bathing suit was real

Not a lie

A mitochondria of change

Put it on and feel 

The JOY

It's only $100

Recycled fabrics

Re-recycled 

Many parts

Brought together to be a

World of bathing suits 

Enter 

Queer yourself

Untie yourself

Shine within and without 

Those 'spensive trunks

Duckbill orange stitching and elephantine creases

Startling

Join the Plastic Party

There ain't no pool, ain't no ocean

Birds overhead sound moot

Just a swanky suit

Toot, toot, toot!

The first hole

Props:  A Helm, Sailor shirts, a bucket of water,  doughnuts in a metal box

Narrator introduces scene. We are on the SS Gregory off the coast of Rhode Island. It is November 1836 and the weather has turned for the worse. Captain Gregory is at the helm with  Dyrck Van Den Dyrck, his trustworthy Dutch Mate.

"Although this is a historical reenactment of the birth of the first doughnut, some name and or events have been changed. A ressemblance to actual facts may be purely coincidental." 

ACT I

Dyreck Van Den Dyrck (Or DVDD) : Captain, the weather is souring, I mind you, you need to take care! There are rock all over this New England coast.

Captain Gregory: You're right. This ship is swaying so much I feel like I drunk several six packs.

DVDD: You have. Don't you remember last night?

Captain Gregory: That doesn't count Dyreck, what does count is that we've been sailing for two weeks and I've never been so hungry.

DVDD: I hear you, or as we say, "Om te horen". I too am sick of eating those salted sardines.

Captain Gregory: You know something?

DVDD: What?

Captain Gregory: I completely forgot that my mother gave me some of her sweets.

DVDD: Are you kidding? You mean we've been nearly starving all this time and you have you mother's famous delicious pastries on board?

Captain Gregory: Look at the bright side Dyreck. They're made with nuts. Something new. She calls them "Doughnuts".

DVDD: Hark! What a good name, Haa! Once this storm is over lets eat them.

Captain Gregory: Are you kidding. Lets eat them now. The crew is sheltering. We can have them all for ourselves. Go to my cabin, there's a blue box next to my bible. 

DVDD: OK, but you know it's not wise to be snacking whilst this storm may blow us over.

Captain Gregory: I said to get them. That's an order!

Dyreck leaves and comes back with the box. Captain Gregory sings a song by Cardie-B, Drip Drip Drip

The storm gets more intense and Captain Gregory has trouble standing.

Captain Gregory: I'm going to have to dig into that Dutch courage to deal with this Hulking storm Mate.

Can u give me that box?

DVDD hands it over. Captain Gregory carefully pulls out a Doughnut -which has no hole in it. 

Captain Gregory: Aye Ayee Lad! Now this is real Polyunsaturated treat! 

DVDD: Yes, it looks glorious, Captain.

Captain Gregory: Glorious indeed. Holding the doughnut to the sky, "May the Flying Ductchmen bless yey here doughnut, bless and be blessed!

The ship lurches and the doughnut is punctured by the Captain's thumb.

Captain Gregory: AYE AYE!

DVDD: Captain, you made a hole in the doughnut!

Captain Gregory: I'm not blind, son, (holding the punctured doughnut up with his thumb), 

DVDD: Laughing

Captain Gregory: Why are you laughing???

DVDD: Aye, aye, Captain, yur soo funny. The doughnut's got a hole in it!

Captain Gregory: Y'ur right. (He takes 2 and pretends to look through them like a telescope. 

DVDD: Captain, watch them rocks!!!

DVDD takes a bucket and empties it in the Captain's direction. 

END OF ACT I

ACT II

Props: white smocks, microscope, jigsaw (scie sauteuse) knives and pins.

Narrator: It's 2025 and Krspy Kreme is developing a secret doughnut 80 meters underground.

Its researchers are on a race to establish a  transinspirational connectin of Villaceau forms between bagels and doughnuts. The sight is considered safe, yet bunker busting GBU-57 AB bombs, with their laser guidance, are considered capable of making the holes of the "Dobagel" even largers, experts say.

Dr. Turchi is doing a "Dogagel" dissection with Dr. Lang.

Dr. Turhi: Do you notice, Dr. the firmness of the Dobagel?

Dr. Lang:Yes, it has to be firm. Just remember, marketing says...

Dr. Turchi: I don't care what marketing says. The Dobagel is our invention. Nobody can take her away from us.

Dr Lang: Dr Turchi, we want Doughnut and Bagel lovers to opt for a Dobagel. But why the her pronoun?

Dr. Turchi: She, she is everything we have dreamed possible. She is the St. Michal of the Virgin Mary.

Dr Lang: And if "she" is Trans? 

Dr. Truchi: Stop being so woke, will you? 

Dr Turchi takes a jigsaw and cuts the doughnut in half.

Dr. Turchi; Do u see how the hole reacts?

Dr. Lang: Yes I do, just like in the bagel. Are you sure we are safe here?

Dr. Turchi: Them bunker busters can't pierce granite, and we have a 2m concrete wall that will protect us in case. Why are you so worried?

Dr Lang If the Dobagel recipe is stolen by the competition, we are fried. Since they know we take precautions, they prefer to eliminate the brains behind this research.

Poem/Song on bunker busters

If you have a great idea

And you know its better than all of Judea

Get a Bunker buster

If you're son has gone woke

And he's evoking that THEY  pronoun 

Get a Bunker Buster

If AI has put your face in a Deep fake

And made you say things that you regret for your first date

Get a Bunker Buster

If your dream to acquire Greenland has gone bust 

Even though you had the cash for the Hinterland

Get a Bunker Buster.

ACT III

Two generals are planning the deployment of the bunker busters to eliminate the Dobagel project.

Colonel Cluster: General Adjustor, are you ready for the Bunker Buster?

General Adjustor: Colonel Cluster, you know as well as I, Krispy Kreme can't 

go forward with their Dobagel.

Colonel Cluster. When we're finished with them General, there's going to be so much Kreme

sprayed over the Everest, them mountain climbers will be licking their way to the top.

General Adjustor Your so sick I love ya Colonel. "Ping!"

Colonel Cluster What was that?

General Adjustor Just a message from my Whatsapp.

Colonel Cluster I thought yous was banned from that App.

General Adjustor: Dig this: on the terms of service it says you ain't allowed to deliver arms of mass destruction. Ever hear shit like that?

Colonel Cluster That is gnarly General. 

General Adjustor It took me 6 months of emails "on my knees", and finally some Bot let me back on the platform. Any precautions we need to take for this mission?

Colonel Cluster  Make sure the pilots of the B2 bombers keep it clean.

General Adjustor You mean over secure lines, how they talk?

Colonel Cluster  Exactly. Just what happened with you.  AI's in charge, even if a pilot talks about how he was mean to his dog, AI could shut down the mission.

General Adjustor I get it. We're dropping 8 Bunker Busters Colonel Cluster, gonna blast the Dobagel enrichment project into smithereens, Colonel Cluster, Colonel Cluster, you hear me?

MUSIC, end of ACT III

The beaten knife

The 2000 year old knife was found by a Luddite child

Rusted, covered with muck

And on close observation the blunt end was hammered or beaten

The marks had puzzled experts deciphering its meaning

Most knives made in the Gen X period 

Were smooth 

Yet the region where the knife was found that used to 

Be called Switzerland

Known for its 

Hard Cheese 

Pumpkins

And Watches

The archeologists decided to imitate their diet by having one group eat

Raclette and Pumpkin gratin for 6 months

And another group 

Do the same thing while wearing Rolex watches.

The simulation was arduous, yet the findings revealed  both groups

Developed 

Acute Tendonitis 

Cutting hard cheese and pumpkins on a daily basis meant

The knives had to be super sharp however

Even so it was 

Radical living

Yet the act of repetitive slicing was -if anything

A recipe for sore tendons in their arms and shoulders.

Hence, for a population suffering of the sort

The logical step was to take a mallet and 

Bang Bang Bang!

Hit the blunt side of the knife

Until the aforementioned Hard Cheese or Pumpkin

(And some pumpkins were found be be harder than Cheese and

vice a versa)

Would be sliced without ado

The watches most certainly helped in the timing of the 

Chopping up

And down time.

How smart GenX was, no one would have guessed

They were resilient and reactive

Having little or no muscle from spending years in front of

Screens

They lacked protein

Bang beat-beating on the backside of a  knife,  their lives

Depended  on it.

Dating Seahorses and the caged fish

It was after a divorce

Bert the Seahorse was taking an 

Open Source Correspondence course

On Seahorses potential for manufacturing 

Rose quartz

There he met Elena

So different, so fresh

She could intertwine her tail like an acrobat

She swam through sharp coral reefs without a

Hard hat

Her eyes were crystalline 

Her skin taught over her fragile bones

Bert invited her for a shrimp salad course

And he wanted to show how his hippocampus was 

Developed

Yet every time he thought of hippocampus

The word Hippopotamus came out of his mouth

(The audience repeats Hippopotamus 5 times)

Hippopotamus! Hippopotamus! Hippopotamus! Hippopotamus! Hippopotamus!

"Hippocampus!" -interjects Burt

"Can you see my memory?" looking at Elena and pointing at his head

She looked flustered 

And as they awaited the UberEats delivery

And waited

And waited

He recited the 25,000 types of fish

Which included their addresses and 

Zip Codes

Elena's tail twisted so hard

It could have strangled a horned toad.

Elena looked down at Burt so hard

He thought his brain would explode

It was a good hour when

The delivery fish arrived with an injury -a missing fin

Said a water pump in a fish tank sucked him

And banged him against the head of a fake deep sea diver

The shrimp salad was 

Butchered

"Elena, Elena, don't go!"

But Bert wanted to show his Seahorsehood to his date

So he threw the yellow delivery fish into

A caged box

A timed punishment without a tip

And a negative comment on the App

Would it save the courtship?

Would it crumble in a blip?

Could Elena find another shrimp to stick up?

"Bert, Bert find me some fresh grub!

Your hippocampus might not suck

But that shrimp ain't enough!"

And the Yellow fish

That BAD Yellow fish

(That passing fish starred at

Wondering what BAD it had done?)

It better, it better

Be better off making subway sandwiches

In a sub.

Sinners and Dimmers: story of a Light bulb flickering uncontrollably awaiting an angel.

Audience divided in 3 groups and say out loud:  1) poire" 2)pomme" and "courgette" 3) and  4)"This is a world or Sinners and Dimmers"  when directed.

(Explain that these are the forms on new lightbulbs today.

Intro:

The poet, following an electrician guide,  goes high and low, a hellish journey with tense emotions, seeking 

the elusive lightbulb with 1200 lumens.

A second electrician, dressed in red, tells  him that he can use this 3400 lumens bulb with a dimmer.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

I can variate the frequency!

I can variate the frequency!

All you need to do is change the Schneider circuit breakers to Holms 

Which

Doubling input  roaming voltage frequency 

and lowering the Amps

Can supersede the oncoming flickering glare

Like that of a suspicious silhouette of a lonely car on the road

Moving slowly at night as a scantily dressed lady impatiently waits at 

A dark bus stop, stares fixedly at the blaring headlights.

"I can't see!"

          --------------------------------------------------

"But why 1200 lumens?" Wonders the electrician dressed in white.

"A Lightbulb Tourist 

I Am" Insists the Poet,

4)"This is a World of Sinners and Dimmers" (Repeat x 5)

I have gone from store to store, from country to country, seeking

Lumens, dimmers, variators

 -because the light has to be...

I can't describe it, subtle?

And 3600 Lumens  in the form of a 

1) POIRE  2)Pomme    3) COURGETTE" (Audience repeats 3 times)

(Why make a bulb like a courgette?) Is too much!"

"Relax", said the electrician, "If not you too shall be 

Fli-Flickering                        (hitting the remote control)

And Snickering 

Talking like a film noir detective

Having lost trace of that one Lightbulb that 

Got away."

"Got away? Was it too disguised as a Tourist?" asked the Poet

"But I saw it, I had it in my own hands!"

And why a 1) POIRE? (Audience says Poire)

Poet: "It's rounded like Babar,

It could be in a Church, a Museum

Lighting up a painting that leaves 

Tourists fein-fa-fa-feinting.

(Poet's voice starts to break up like a flickering lightbulb)

But why are you fading?" The Poet turns towards the electrician,

"I dreamt I saw -there was an alarmà- a Cookie Monster -a burgler... his cookies all on the floor!"

"You're fa-fading, those wires, is that the di-dimmer?

"The cookies were crushed, it was at the Vatican."

Can you he-hear the Po-Pope singing "Urbi et Orbi?"

Do-don't didn'tay fi-find 'dose cookies in the dark?

"Indulgentiam, absolutionem, et remissionem ominum peccatorum vestrorum, spatium verae et fructuossae paenitentiaeeee"

In the Da-da-dark? Did ya see? Did ya hear? It's flickering in da-da-dark!"

"I lost the si-si-signal

I am lost!"

POIRE! APPLE! Courgette!  (Audience 1,2,3)

CLOSING Narrator:

As you can see, no Angel came to the rescue, no Angel could anti-flicker those lumens made to act in an irrational way. 

And so I ask you a moment of silence for all Circuit Breakers, fuses, Sinners and Dimmers.

(Je vous demande une moment de silence pour tous disjoncteurs et fusibles, des pêcheurs et variateurs.)

END