The laughing poem

 Dedicated to the Laughing Policeman

My phone got jammed six weeks ago

Six weeks without a phone I lived

Hahahahaha!

The SIM card was bugging

My GPS placed me in Egypt

And my Bluetooth was turning green

Hahahahaha!

Many a time I called customer service

Listening to sing song music

Time spilling like flowery milk

Hahahahaha!

One time after a 30 minute wait

I was cut off 

And reminded myself I shall not hate

Hahahahaha!

I felt sent on a mission to obtain

A new code

Yet week after week the codes failed

Hahahahaha!

I thought I was losing my bearings

My phone would never unlock

Customer service could never service 

My needs

And I might as well go mend a sock

Hahahahaha!

"Go get it cracked" said a friend

Tee-hee

So I ha-ha did

And in 10 minutes 

It was done

Hahahahaha!

Whizzing, beeping, flashing with networks and 

App updates

Textos galore

Hahahahaha!

And then, only then, 

With blisters on my fingers from

Banging on the keys

Was it clear

The networks didn't need me

Hahahahaha!

And I

Ha-ha

Didn't need them!

Hahahahaha!

3D Ears and Noses

 My friend Loretta got a new ear the other day

And it looked exactly like her other 2 ears because

It was made with a 3D printer

"Why do you need a 3rd ear" I pried

"Because I'm tired of tattoos,

I intend to cover my body with ears."

Loretta was right, and before her time.

Soon, hundreds and thousands started implanting

Ears, noses, even penises on their bodies

A year later, Loretta appeared naked except

Her body was covered with ears.

"I've never felt more comfortable" she said

"I think today I'm a better listener than before and 

You know how I value listening."

"I HEAR YOU" I shouted

Her body almost jumped out of her skin

But I thought she was sincere

I had signed up for a nose implant

I needed 3 noses for that "effect"

Yet many sleepless nights I spent

Trying to decide where to put them.

Unable to decide, I chose to have it done first on

Brutus, my dog: one snout  behind the head, one on the back and one above the tail

Brutus loved it, and he made even more friends during his doggy walks

So I decided the same -minus tail

The operation went well and

I felt like a new man

True the bump under my belt felt awkward for a while 

So I asked my Taylor to make an opening

(Also it was practical for sneezing out the rear)

Today I'm not so sure I'm gonna stick to my 3 noses

Because I can't sleep on my back 

So I've rescheduled surgery to place them on my shoulders

Why haven't I thought of that before?